Sean Covey’s “Life-Centers” — Definitions, Benefits & Consequences
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Covey explains that everyone has a “center” — the thing that they build their life around. It’s the lens through which they interpret their world, make decisions, and determine their self-worth. These centers can be healthy or unhealthy depending on how grounded they are in principles (unchanging truths) vs. external or unstable things.
Let’s break down each one:
Stuff-Centered
Definition: Your identity is rooted in what you own — clothes, car, phone, gadgets, etc.
Benefits:
- May motivate you to succeed materially.
- Gives temporary pleasure.
Consequences:
- Shallow relationships and insecurity.
- Easily crushed by loss or comparison.
- Never enough — always chasing more.
Friend-Centered
Definition: You shape your identity based on your social circle and peer approval.
Benefits:
- Can build a social support network.
- Encourages cooperation.
Consequences:
- Peer pressure may override values.
- Identity crisis if friendships end.
- Constant need for validation.
Enemy-Centered
Definition: Your life revolves around opposition to a person or group.
Benefits:
- Strong motivation to improve (sometimes).
Consequences:
- Consumed by hate, revenge, and bitterness.
- Stuck in the past.
- Blocks growth and inner peace.
School-Centered / Work-Centered
Definition: Your identity depends on academic or professional performance.
Benefits:
- Encourages achievement and discipline.
Consequences:
- Self-worth plummets with failure.
- Perfectionism, stress, and burnout.
- Identity crisis after graduation or job loss.
Parent/Family-Centered
Definition: Your value is based on approval from family or your role within it.
Benefits:
- Can foster loyalty and love.
Consequences:
- May suppress individuality.
- Guilt and shame if expectations aren’t met.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend-Centered
Definition: You rely on a romantic relationship for your sense of identity.
Benefits:
- Can lead to connection and vulnerability.
Consequences:
- Dependency and loss of self.
- Devastation if relationship ends.
Self-Centered
Definition: You place yourself and your own desires at the center.
Benefits:
- Strong confidence and ambition.
Consequences:
- Narcissism, isolation, pride.
- Inability to grow through feedback.
The Only Center That Works: Principle-Centered Living
Covey says this is the only stable center, because principles like honesty, integrity, service, and respect don’t change. They’re like a compass that always points north.
Benefits:
- Inner peace, clarity, and purpose.
- Resilience in hard times.
- Consistent identity.
The Quote: “If who I am is what I have, and what I have is lost, then who am I?”
This cuts to the heart of Covey’s message. If your identity is built on external things (grades, money, friends, job, looks), then you’re at risk of losing yourself when those things change — and they always do.
Job from the Bible: A Living Example
Who Was Job?
- A wealthy, righteous man with family, land, animals, and health.
- Highly respected — likely admired for his status and good fortune.
What Happened?
- He lost everything: his children, wealth, health, and even support from friends and wife.
Who Did He Become?
- He was forced to confront who he was without all those things.
- He wrestled deeply with God and came out with a clearer, more humbled identity.
- In the end, his faith matured and was rewarded — but more importantly, he became centered not in blessings, but in truth and trust in God’s character.
Final Thought:
Your center defines your strength. When life shakes everything loose — as it did with Job — what’s left? The goal is to root your identity not in what you have, but in who you are and what’s true, regardless of circumstance.
