“Men are taught how to treat women, but not what to expect from women. Women are taught what to expect from men, but not how to treat men.”
This quote highlights a deep cultural imbalance in how society shapes expectations and behaviors in relationships. It suggests that men and women are often socialized with an incomplete set of relationship skills—each gender receiving one-sided guidance. Let’s break this down in detail.
Men Are Taught How to Treat Women, But Not What to Expect From Women
A. Social Conditioning for Men
From a young age, men are often taught principles such as:
- Be a provider and protector.
- Be respectful and kind to women.
- Open doors, pay for dates, and display chivalry.
- Suppress emotions and be ‘strong’ for your partner.
These lessons, while valuable in building respect and responsibility, often come without reciprocal teachings about what men should expect from women in terms of respect, emotional support, and partnership.
B. Consequences of This Imbalance
- Unrealistic Expectations: Men may enter relationships believing their primary role is to give and provide while receiving little in return.
- Lack of Emotional Support: Many men are not taught to expect emotional vulnerability or care from their partners.
- One-Sided Relationships: Relationships can become transactional, where men feel like they must earn love or respect rather than naturally receiving it.
- Frustration and Resentment: Over time, unmet expectations can lead to silent resentment, as men may not have the language or tools to express their unmet needs.
C. The Missing Lesson for Men
Men should also be taught:
- You deserve respect and care from your partner.
- Emotional needs are valid, and vulnerability is strength.
- Healthy relationships are mutual—both partners should invest emotionally and practically.
Women Are Taught What to Expect From Men, But Not How to Treat Men
A. Social Conditioning for Women
Women are often raised with expectations like:
- A man should provide and protect.
- A man should be emotionally strong and stable.
- A man should display chivalry and take initiative in the relationship.
- You deserve to be loved, valued, and respected.
These expectations set a standard for what women should receive, but they often lack the corresponding lessons on how to reciprocate and support men in meaningful ways.
B. Consequences of This Imbalance
- Over-Reliance on Expectations: Women may expect men to meet their needs without recognizing that relationships require mutual effort.
- Lack of Awareness About Men’s Emotional Needs: Emotional vulnerability is often overlooked, and men’s struggles are sometimes dismissed as a sign of weakness.
- Entitlement Over Partnership: In some cases, women may fall into a dynamic where they receive without giving equal emotional or practical effort.
- Unmet Expectations: When men fail to meet these idealized standards, disappointment can arise, even if the expectations were unrealistic.
C. The Missing Lesson for Women
Women should also be taught:
- Men have emotional needs that deserve attention and care.
- Healthy relationships require reciprocity, not one-sided expectations.
- Supporting your partner emotionally is as important as receiving support.
Cultural and Media Influences
Both genders are heavily influenced by movies, social media, music, and literature, which often portray idealized relationships:
- Men are shown as stoic heroes who never falter.
- Women are shown as princesses or queens who must be pursued and cared for.
These narratives create imbalanced relationship dynamics, where one partner is expected to be the giver and the other the receiver. Real-life relationships require mutual vulnerability, effort, and understanding—something rarely emphasized in mainstream culture.
Moving Towards Balance: Mutual Respect and Reciprocity
A. Teaching Men and Women Holistic Lessons
- Men: Teach them that they deserve emotional care, respect, and partnership.
- Women: Teach them how to provide emotional support, recognize men’s vulnerabilities, and contribute equally to the relationship.
B. Emphasizing Communication and Emotional Intelligence
- Both genders should learn how to express their needs and listen to their partner’s needs without shame or fear of rejection.
- Emotional intelligence—understanding emotions, managing them, and communicating them effectively—should be a core part of relationship education.
C. Breaking Stereotypes
- Men should not feel pressured to always be the strong, emotionless provider.
- Women should not be placed in a passive role where they only receive.
The Ideal Relationship Dynamic
A healthy relationship thrives on mutuality:
- Mutual respect: Both partners value each other’s needs and boundaries.
- Mutual effort: Both contribute emotionally, mentally, and practically.
- Mutual vulnerability: Both feel safe sharing fears, emotions, and struggles.
- Mutual growth: Both encourage each other’s personal and professional development.
Final Thoughts
The imbalance described in the quote reflects a deep societal pattern, but it’s not irreversible. By fostering mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and balance in expectations, we can create relationships where both partners feel valued, understood, and supported.
In short: Men deserve care and respect. Women deserve love and effort. But both deserve reciprocity, understanding, and partnership.
