“Expecting the world to be fair is like expecting a lion not to eat you. The tighter you grip ‘how things should be,’ the more life will burn your hands.”
I. Introduction: The Pain of Expectation
Every human being carries within them a hidden blueprint: a vision of how life should unfold.
- People should be kind.
- Effort should be rewarded.
- Justice should prevail.
- Truth should win.
And when life violates this inner script—as it inevitably does—we suffer. Not just from the hardship itself, but from the shock that it happened at all.
This is the heartbreak of unmet expectations. We grip tightly to what we believe is “fair,” and in doing so, we resist reality itself.
But reality doesn’t bend to our expectations.
It is what it is.
And the more we resist it, the more it scorches us.
II. The Myth of Fairness: A Child’s Inherited Lens
As children, we’re taught moral systems meant to help us function in a society:
- Good guys win.
- Bad guys get punished.
- Hard work pays off.
- Justice always comes eventually.
These rules give us a sense of safety and control. They comfort us. But they are simplifications—not guarantees.
The world is not structured around human ideals. It is structured around complexity, power, incentives, and survival.
So when we carry the childhood belief into adult life that the world owes us fairness, kindness, or symmetry—we set ourselves up for suffering.
Fairness is not a force of nature.
It is a human aspiration.
III. Reality Is Not a Morality Play
Think of the quote again:
“Expecting the world to be fair is like expecting a lion not to eat you.”
The lion isn’t evil. It’s not malicious. It’s simply operating by its nature.
The same is true of the world.
Life will bring suffering, loss, betrayal, injustice—not because life is cruel, but because it is uncontrolled. Like the lion, life acts out of its own logic—not our desire for fairness.
- The economy doesn’t reward virtue.
- Nature doesn’t avoid tragedy.
- Power doesn’t always rest in the hands of the wise.
- People don’t always do the right thing—even when they know it.
When we can accept this, we stop expecting the lion to change—and start preparing ourselves to walk wisely in the jungle.
IV. The Burn of “Should”: How Attachment Fuels Suffering
“The tighter you grip ‘how things should be,’ the more life will burn your hands.”
Psychologically, this is the truth taught in Stoicism, Buddhism, and trauma therapy alike: attachment to expectation is the root of emotional suffering.
When we say:
- “She shouldn’t have left me.”
- “He shouldn’t have gotten the promotion.”
- “They should’ve treated me better.”
We’re not just grieving what happened—we’re resisting it. And that resistance becomes pain.
Clinging to “should” is like grabbing a red-hot iron. It doesn’t hurt because the iron is hot. It hurts because you won’t let go.
V. Letting Go is Not Giving Up—It’s Growing Up
Letting go of fairness doesn’t mean embracing apathy or injustice.
It means:
- Accepting what is before deciding what to do.
- Facing reality as it is—not as we hoped it would be.
- Releasing emotional dependency on outcomes we don’t control.
Mature peace doesn’t come from believing life is fair.
It comes from knowing you have the tools to face it even when it isn’t.
VI. The Path to Inner Freedom: From Expectation to Wisdom
To reclaim power from life’s unfairness, we must shift from expectation to equanimity.
1. Practice Radical Acceptance
Say to yourself: “This is what happened. I may not like it, but it’s real.”
This disarms resistance and restores clarity.
2. Redefine Fairness Internally
Rather than expecting life to be fair, live in a way that is fair to yourself.
- Be honest.
- Live with integrity.
- Treat others with kindness—not to earn fairness, but to embody who you choose to be.
3. Choose Response Over Reaction
When unfairness strikes, don’t ask, “Why me?”
Ask, “What now?”
This simple pivot changes your posture from victimhood to leadership.
4. Develop Emotional Agility
Learn to sit with discomfort. Learn to observe anger, grief, or betrayal without being consumed by it.
The more agile your emotions, the less life can shake your core.
VII. Conclusion: Resilience Over Justice
Fairness is not guaranteed. But freedom is.
The world will not always reward the good, nor punish the wicked.
But if you learn to meet reality with wisdom, resilience, and presence—you become untouchable.
You no longer burn when the world breaks your ideals, because your peace is no longer built on conditions.
Let others expect the lion not to bite.
You will walk forward—not naive, not bitter—but awake.
